Stories

     I started back at my job as a cashier this week.  I was dreading it (as much as I love working at Tops, I cannot wait to be done there).  Because of my dread, I decided to challenge myself to make the most of my hours of cashing and bagging and interacting with people.  To my surprise, I came to the startling realization...Everyone has a story.  I heard several different short stories from peoples lives and some of them are just depressing.  Okay, maybe you don't think that is too startling.  Maybe I knew that already, but I think it is an important thing to be reminded of. 
     Everyone has a story.  Some are happy stories.  Some are sad stories.  You have a story.  I have a story.  You get the picture, right?  I was reminded that the people who come through my line are more than just customers.  Many of them are hurting people.  Many of them have no hope and no joy.  Often I get so annoyed with how people think that they can treat cashiers like crap and expect them to do whatever they want.  Maybe this is an extension of the unhappiness that their life seems to be filled with.  Five years ago when I started this job, we were told that a friendly smile or hello might make someones day a little brighter.  After five years, I finally understand.  A smile is such a simple gesture to let a person know that you care and that they exist.  Going a little out of your way to say hello and have a friendly conversation might brighten the day of a person whether you realize it or not. 
     The challenge I have for myself for the remaining three weeks on break and at my job is to make an extra effort to smile and be friendly even if I really don't feel like it.  I want this to just become a part of my daily life so that I don't just walk by someone without saying hello.  I would like to make that a challenge for you as well.  Take a little time to go out of your way to say hello to a person you normally wouldn't.  You would be surprised at the response!!!

I think that this song sort of sums it up a little!

It Just Takes One by Addison Road

What if we moved
What if we wandered
Took a reckless ride to the other side
Of the tracks
What if we knew somebody's story
Would we write them off like a number
On a check
Or could we be the only souls
Who take the time to love and find
The beauty in a nameless face

(CHORUS)
One, it just takes one
To step out from the crowd, and show
What love is all about
One, it just takes one
To change a life forever,
Touch the world and make it better

So what if we moved with no hesitations
And learn to love the least of these without reserve
Let's spark a change in this generation
And let our actions speak louder than our words
And what if there's a world in need of hope
That only we can bring
Brighter then the midday sun



WWJD

I am going to take the next couple of minutes to rant to you, if that is okay.  If not you might want to stop reading. 
This past Sunday I went to the same church that I have been attending for the past year and a half or so while I am at school.  I don't really know a ton of people there, but I go to the earlier service and am content with who I do talk to.  On Sunday I decided to go to the later service so I could sleep in.  I had a very interesting conversation with the lady sitting ahead of me.  She moved down in her pew to talk to me.  I was extremely annoyed by it.  It went something like this.

Lady: Good Morning...It is so nice to see you here. Are you a regular attender?
Me: Good morning and no.  I am only here when I am at school.
Lady: At Brockport?
Me: No, Roberts.
Lady: Do you go to a Free Methodist Church at home?
Me: No, I I go to a Baptist church
Lady: Oh (Looking at me like I have three heads), so which do you like better isn't this one better and normal?
Me: (wondering what she means by normal) No, the services are pretty much the same
Lady: (still with a strange look on her face) Well are you aware that there is a really good free methodist church right on your campus.
Me: Um, yes but I like this one.

Now what is wrong with this interaction?  Did I have a right to be annoyed?  I think so.  I mean let's go back to the simple question from childhood...What Would Jesus Do?  Would He try to get me to go to another church?  I think not.  I can honestly say that if it was my first time visiting, I probably wouldn't have gone back.  What gives her the right to judge me based on my denominational background?  At least that is the impression she gave.  Since coming to college, I have realized how wrapped up people are in their denomination.  I never realized it before.  I have gotten into countless dumb debates over denominations that I have never cared to be in in the first place.  I think that if we all worship the same God, what difference does it make?  We all have preferences, but do you really have to push your denomination on someone or push someone out of your church simply based on the difference?

End of Rant
Oh and if you have a topic that you want me to blog about, let me know and I will see what I can do!!!!!!!

Live your life

You only get just one time around, you only get one shot at this
One chance to find out the one thing that you don’t wanna miss
One day when it’s all said and done I hope you see that it was enough
This one ride, one try, one life to love

Do you ever stop to think about how short life really is?  Until events from the last couple of weeks, I never really did either.  We take for granted that the average life span is 78 years old.  We think that we will live to be 75 or 80.  Reality is we don't know when our last breath will be.  If I were to die tomorrow, I want to be able to say that I lived my life to the fullest extent possible and did not miss out on anything.  I want to be able to say that I impacted the lives of other and didn't live only for me.  I want to be able to say that I made a difference.  I want to know that I loved with all that I am. 
Why do we let unimportant things consume our lives?  Things that don't really matter.  Why do we waste so much time thinking about things we want to do or want to change?  Why do we let little things bother us or let things come between friends and family?  I think we need to stop living for the future and live for today.  Spend time with the people who need you most.  Make time for people who are forgotten and need a little cheering up.  Live each day as if it were your last.

Thanksgiving

Psalm 107:1

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever!

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks so in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought I would just share a few things that I am thankful for.  I am sure there are more but I won't bore you!

1. My relationship with Jesus
2. Grace
3. Mercy that is new every day
4. Family that cares
5. My Parents
6. My Grandparents
7. My whole family
8. Friends
9. My church family
10. The teens that I get to work with
11. Sunrises
12. Sunsets
13. Beautiful skies in general
14. Learning new things
15. Thunderstorms
16. Being able to go to school to pursue my dream
17. Having dreams
18. Knowing that one day I will have a career I love
19. People who don't give up on me
20. Conversations with amazing friends
21. Friends that listen no matter what you need to talk about
22. Memories
23. The gift of life
24. Meeting all those wonderful children and people in the DR
25. People who actually stop at the crosswalk to let me cross
26. The smell of rain
27. Running water
28. Warm showers
29. Late night sleepovers with my roommate
30. Challenges
31. Lessons learned
32. Accountability
33. Music
34. My job
35. Smiles
36. My love for math
37. The ability to laugh
38. That my future is already figured out and I don't have to do it alone
39. The little things in life
40. Hope
41. Fun
42. Photos
43. Having a passion
44. Sleep
45. Knowledge
46. The ability to love
47. Freedom
48. Car rides by myself
49. Forgiveness
50. You :-)

What are you thankful for????

Taken By Love!

As most of you know, this summer I had the most amazing opportunity.  I was able to intern through with Orphanage Outreach for a month in the Dominican Republic.  I miss it so much and I probably think about it everyday.  I only hope that as time continues to pass, I don't forget what I learned and experienced.  I never realized that a month away in one place could have such a huge impact on my life.  I have processed so many different experiences from being there over the past four months.  I will probably share more about it in upcoming blogs.  One of the things that I took away with me is that I really learned how to love.  I think that I realized what it means to truly love someone.  Not that I didn't love people before, I think I just took for granted the fact that everyone I love is in a pretty close proximity.  Towards the end of my trip I began to realize that "God took me by love."  The chorus from the song Taken By Love by Kutless go like this...

You've taken me by love
You've taken me by grace
You've taken me away, I can't resist
Because You've taken my heart

I listened to this song over and over during my reflection time while I was in the DR and realized that this was so true for me.  He took my heart and allowed me to love each and every one of the children that I worked with.  By doing this I brought a huge piece of each one of those kids hearts back with me.  I continue to love them with my whole heart.  Over the past month, I have thought a lot about this.  I never knew how easy it was to love someone, especially kids that I could not communicate with and that I only spent as little as a week or month with.  I think that God has blessed me with continued love for these kids.  Though it makes me sad and breaks my heart on a daily basis to know that I will probably never see them again, I know that I will always have special memories of them.

I love this little girl so much.  I don't even know her name and I love her.  I met her when we had the opportunity to visit the Haitian batay.  When we arrived, all the kids we surrounding us, waiting for us to play.  I sat down with my crayons and paper and this little girl just came and sat with me.  It only took me a minute to figure out she didn't want to color.  She just wanted me.  She kept getting up, taking my finger and walking in circles.  Then she finally settled on me just holding and cuddling her.  I then realized that she had an infection on the lobe of her ear and was running a high fever.  There was nothing I could do.  I felt helpless so I just held her for the remainder of our time there.  She fell asleep in my arms.  I decided that there is nothing better than the feeling of a sleeping child in your arms, no matter how heavy.



Lolito a.k.a Locolito.  He was the one to break me out of my shell our second day doing activities.  He came over and sat at the table directly across from he and took my hand.  He tied his bracelet that he was to make to my finger and proceeded to make it.  He is crazy good at bracelet making and cut off the circulation to my finger.  After he was done, he gave me the bracelet and throughout the week continued to check to make sure I was still wearing it.  This small act of love on his part showed me what real love is.  In combination with his smile and his jokes, he was continually making me feel right at home.  I loved spending time with him.  He loved making fun of me because I didn't know Spanish and he also knew that if he wanted to talk to me he had to find someone to translate (such a smart kid).  He was also the first one to teach me that love knows no language.  With Lolito, it was love at first sight :-)




Jonel!  I love this kid.  I am pretty sure that his smile says it all.



Reynaldo.  He was one of the older boys at the orphanage.  He is extremely hard working.  I loved spending time with him.  Whether it was playing dominoes (which neither of us really knew how to play) or him just making fun of me(which happened a lot), I knew that my presence was always accepted by him.

Do I Really Live As Though My Sin Breaks God's Heart?

I love My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers.  The daily devotions are short enough that I have time to read them before my classes in the morning and yet they have so much depth that each one gives me something to think about for the day.  I was struck by this statement.

"God does forgive, but it cost the breaking of His heart with grief in the death of Christ to enable Him to do so.  The great miracle of the grace of God is that He forgives sin, and it is the death of Jesus Christ alone that enables the divine nature to forgive and to remain true to itself in doing so."

I think that this is a powerful statement.  It reminded me of the cost of my sin.  I think that we all too often forget why we are forgiven.  We are forgiven because Jesus Christ took our sins upon Himself and died a horrible death, one that none of us would have wanted to die.  The above statement made me remember that I would not be forgiven without Jesus paying the ultimate price for my sin.  Imagine the grief God must have felt knowing that he was sending His Son to die for my sins.  I think that it is an amazing thought.  I imagine that we also forget the fact that God's heart was broken that day that Jesus, His only son did die for our sins.  So knowing that my sins are already paid for by the blood of Jesus and knowing that the shedding of the blood broke God's heart, I had to ask myself one question, a question I think we all need to ask ourselves...

Do I live as though my sin breaks God's heart? 

I know that many times I don't.  I don't even think about it.  What would our lives look like if we all lived like this? 

This Is It!

This is my life right now...papers, tests, homework, reading, studying.  I am overwhelmed and ready to just be done.  I keep waiting for the end of the semester and thinking that all I want to be is done and moving on to student teaching and getting a job next year.  I am really only motivated when I tell myself only 3 weeks of classes left.  I can do it.  Pretty much my existence at the moment is living for the end of the semester when I can take a breath.  On my way back to school yesterday the song Live For Today by Natalie Grant came on.

Sittin' in my room staring at the wall
Wonderin' about the meaning of it all
Why is it this thing called life
Has got me goin' crazy
So I open up your word and let it speak to me
The purpose and the plan that you've designed
Is clear to see, and I believe

[Chorus:]
I'm gonna live for today
I'm gonna follow in your way
I'm gonna let my little light shine
Like there's no tomorrow
I won't worry about the past
I know my future is intact
So I'll choose to live my life one way
I'm gonna live it for today

You told me not to worry
About what lies ahead
So I am gonna focus on today instead
Making every moment count and counting
Every single blessing
I'm gonna set my mind on the
Here and the Now
This is what I want my life to be about
And this is How...

As I was listening to the lyrics, I realized that I am not living for today like I should be.  I am living for the future.  I wondered what I am missing out on because of this.  What little moments and things do I miss because I am so focused on three weeks from now or even a year from now?  I need remember that this is it!  This is my life.  When I look back a few years from now I want to know that I did everything that I could and not regret missing out on something.  When I was in the Dominican Republic this is exactly how I thought and lived.  It was awesome!  I did not worry about what was coming next, I did what I needed to do and then moved on.  So this is what I am going to try to do for the rest of the semester.  I am going to live for the day that God has given me and hopefully give it my all because I know that my future is already planned so I don't have to worry!

"You Will Find Your Billy"

Actions speak louder than words.



Over the past couple of weeks I have been realizing just how important my actions are.  I have talked to several different teenagers in the youth group at my church and they have each said that something in particular in my life has impacted them in some way. During a conversation today at church is when it really hit me.  I am being watched by the teenagers that I work with whether in school or at church.  I can say anything I want to and talk until I am blue in the face, but my actions and how I live my life is what will really impact them in the long run.  I can tell them that they should not date until they are just a little older, that they need to have high expectations when it comes to relationships (i.e.that they shouldn't date the first guy to call them pretty), or that they don't need a guy to make them truly happy.  But it isn't until I tell them about myself and live it out in my life that they will truly listen.
I also came to the realization that I am their role model and to several of them I am the only positive role model they will have.  They value my opinion on what guys they should and should not date.  They want to know what to do with the friend that has hurt them.  They just want to know about life.  Now I am far from knowing everything there is to know about life.  In  my opinion I barely know anything, but I can offer what small amount of advice that I do have to them.

What do I know?

I have had the song What Do I Know of Holy? by Addison Road stuck in my head all week and just when I think it is gone, it comes on the radio again.  I absolutely love the lyrics, they really make me think.
Sooooo...What do I know of holy? I know that....
Holy is defined as exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness.  And I know that this is a hard term for us to grasp because we live in a broken world with broken people. 
I've made You promises a thousand times.  I've tried to hear from heaven, but I talk the whole time.  I think I made You too small. I've never feared You at all, no. If You touched my face would I know you?  Looked into my eyes could I behold You?
I can make a hundred promises to God to do better next time and as a human I fail miserably.  I can say that I really want to hear from God so I sit and try to be quiet for a few minutes, but after that few minutes is up I don't want to wait any longer.  I feel like I need to keep talking on and on as if God didn't hear me the first time.  He really just wants me to be still and know that He is God.  That is all that I have to do.  I don't have to give Him my list of requests and complaints every time I want to hear Him speak to me.  I simply just need to come to Him and He will come to me.  I think I made you too small....hmmm.  That so absolutely true.  I try to fit God into my understanding of who He is.  God is so much bigger than I could ever imagine.  I think of it like this...if I was looking through a telescope, I would only see a small portion of the sky, I would not be getting the bigger picture.  I do this with God.  I look at who He is and what He does with my small mind and understanding.  I don't think that I fully comprehend all that God is and does right now.  I don't think that I every will.  The chorus says it all.  What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion? Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?  Are You fire, are You fury? Are You sacred, are You beautiful? So what do I know? What do I know of holy? 
Every time I hear the second line, "Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?", I think of my vacation this summer.  I was walking alone along the beach and just standing in awe of who God is.  I never really understood why this line was in the song but as I looked out into the ocean I really realized what this line was saying.  I saw how big the ocean was and how small I was standing next to it.  I realized that there is so much more in the world that I do not know and see.  I am small in comparison to the rest of the world, but God still knows who I am.  This chorus also makes me want to see more of who God is and start really learning more about the holiness of God. 
I guess I thought that I had You figured out.  I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about, how You were mighty to save. But those were only empty words on a page.  Then I caught a glimpse of who you might be.  The slightest hint of you brought me down to my knees.
Isn't it funny that when we grow up going to church all of our lives you just automatically learn all the Bible stories and learn all the right lines to say and explain yourself, but you never really understand the complexity of those stories.  You know that they really happened and God was working through all of them, but the fact that they are real life and not just stories tends to be forgotten.  You forget how powerful God is.  This summer while I was in the Dominican Republic is when I really caught a glimpse of who God might be.  I saw God work in my life and the lives of those that I worked with like never before.  I stood in awe almost every day of what God was doing.  I think that was really when I was brought down to my knees and humbled in the sight of God.  It was when all of the stories that I have read really hit home and they turned in to more than just empty words on a page.
I think that we need to strive to know more about God's holiness, because He has called us to be holy just as He is holy.  How can you be something you know little about?

So Much More...

Behind the Scenes (Francesca Battistelli)
You may think
I’m just fine
How could anything
Ever be out of line?
I take my time
To set the stage
To make sure everything
Is all in place
Even though I’ve got the lines rehearsed
A picture only paints a thousand words
Things aren’t always what they seem
You’re only seeing part of me
There’s more than you could ever know
Behind the scenes
I’m incomplete and I’m undone
But I suppose like everyone
There’s so much more that’s going on
Behind the scenes

There is so much going on inside of us or most of us that we do not actually reveal to other people.  Maybe we are afraid of their judgement, maybe it is our shame that keeps us from being honest.  But why do we think that putting up walls will make life any better?  Why is it okay for us to have surface level conversations?  Why can we talk about everything possible, but still miss out on talking about what is really going on deep inside of us?  I am not saying that this is true of all people, but it is definitely something that I have realized as a problem, especially being in my little "Roberts" bubble for four years.  It is something that I have struggled with.  I think that as Christians we have become so wrapped up in portraying ourselves as "perfect Christians"  who have everything in life put together so well that nothing could ever be out of place.  We have become so good at putting up a front that lets no one in any deeper than we want them.  We are good at saying "oh I'm fine" when really everything inside us just wants to curl up in a ball and forget about everything we are going through. We know all the right lines and take the time to make ourselves look perfect so that people will see only what we want them to see.  What they don't know is that beneath it all, there is so much more that is going on.  What if we all took the time to just get rid of the masks and stop rehearsing the lines to make ourselves look all put together all the time?  What if we were comfortable enough to just talk about everything that is going on "behind the scenes"?  We are all broken people who are constantly needing God to come and put us back together and heal our hurts.  Wouldn't it be awesome if we didn't always have to put up a front like everything is always okay?  What would happen if we let our guards down just a little to let someone in?  Think about it.

Under Construction

I am new to this blog thing, but I thought what the heck, it could be fun.  I don't really expect anyone to read it, but blogging is one of those things that is on my list of things to do before I die.  For those of you who don't know, I love love love song lyrics, quotes, and Bible verses that define who I am and what I am going through.  I love being able to connect with them and express my feeling through them.  That being said, this blog will probably be a majority of just that, me reflecting upon something else that I have heard or read.

I have been thinking a lot lately.  This is my senior year of college and sometimes I wonder where the past three and a half years of my life went.  I probably spent a good portion of it wishing I could be done and moving on with my career.  But I know when it is all said and done, I will miss it.

I love the song Change in the Making by Addison Road.  I really think that this defines the last four years. 

This is redemption’s story
With every step that I'm taking
Every day, you’re chipping away
What I don’t need
This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I’m closer to who I’m meant to be
I'm a change in the making

 I have changed so much since freshman year.  It is cool to be able to look back and really see how much change you go through personally in such a short amount of time.  I have learned so much about who I am and who I want to be.  God has really used this time to shape me.  I am far from who He wants me to be but every day I am presented with a new challenge that shapes who I am.  I can honestly say that I have gone through something differently each new semester and summer.  God is constantly showing me things that I can change.  All of these changes keep bringing me closer to who God calls me to be.  I am far from perfect, and I know that I will always be "under construction", but that is why God keep chipping away and all the things in my life that I think I need, but really don't.