Isaiah 42:16

     Last night I was driving home from Houghton College.  I have never driven from Houghton to home.  It has always been from Houghton to Roberts, so I had really no idea where I would be driving.  I decided to stay until after it got dark, which was probably my first mistake (although well worth being able to have good conversations for a while longer).  I had directions that were printed from Google maps and as I was looking at them I realized that I had to make a lot of turns onto side roads so I asked Janelle if there was a more direct way because I new without a shadow of a doubt that I would end up lost in the dark with all the really specific directions.  So I got the most direct route from Janelle and I left.  Well I got lost about 40 minutes into my drive.  I forgot to make a turn and ended up on the wrong route, but I got myself back on track and in no time I was where I needed to be to make my turn.  By this time, I had already ran over and killed a cat and a skunk, luckily missing the deer.  I was stressed enough driving in the rain on unfamiliar back country roads in complete darkness, but getting lost just added to my stress and anxiety level.  I had my GPS, but it wasn't giving me the most direct directions home.  I called Janelle and my parents they got me back on track.  I took route 98 and got to a place that I knew and got home even though my trip was 45 minutes longer than it should have been.
     When I get lost, I stress.  I hate the unknown.  I hate being in the dark in an unfamiliar place.  I was almost ready to cry.  As I drove and just kept waiting for something that I knew and was familiar with and I couldn't help but think of one of my favorite verses...Isaiah 42:16.  "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;  I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.  These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."  God was saying to me this is sort of like life.  There are going to be times when you will have no idea where you are going, but I know where you are going.  I will show you the way.  I will go before you and guide you through the darkness of the unknown, you just have to be willing to trust Me.  Don't look to yourself or others to give you all the directions you will need.  Don't question the directions that I give you like you questioned the directions home.  I know better than you and you are just going to get yourself lost and offtrack.  You will get delayed the more you stop and question if this is the right way to go.  Take time to seek direction from me, but don't stop once I have given it to you because I am already guiding you through the parts that are unknown and you are not alone.
Talk about a lesson from simply getting lost on the drive home.

Where to begin...

     It has been a crazy 8 weeks with student teaching.  It has had its ups and its downs, but I am done with my first placement.  Today was bittersweet, knowing that I get to start middle school on Monday while knowing that I will not see my high school students again.  If you had asked me at the end of last week and the beginning of this week if I was sad to be leaving, my answer was probably a no.  As the week progressed, I realized that I really am going to miss my students.  They have caused me on multiple occassions to want to pull my hair out.  Despite all the hassle they have given me, they are great kids.  I was pretty much convinced that a good majority of the students I taught didn't like me for whatever reason.  They were rude and disrespectful.  They kept asking when their teacher was coming back to teach them and why I had to be there with them.  I was almost beginning to ask myself if teaching was worth it.  But this week when we announced that today was going to be my last day, many of them had looks on their faces that told me their dogs had just died or something.
     Reality hit me.  Kids are kids and you cannot always take what they have to say as complete truth.  Maybe they were just trying to put up a front and not let me in.  I had several good conversations with different students in the past couple of days.  Many of them are still super concerned about my sprained ankle and they keep giving me advice about how to get better or lecture me if they think I am doing something to make it worse.  They really do care about me, because I cared about them and their lives.  One student asked me if I was sure that I wanted to be a teacher after having his class.  He was telling me how mean they were to me, but he really liked me.  Today instead of asking why I had to be their teacher, they were asking why I had to leave them and asking who would stay after school to help them with their work.
     I think that I learned that you never know what impact you are making.  Even if you are frustrated and don't know what else to do, it is probably worth it even if one kid is impacted.  I love these kids and I want to see them do well.  I just hope that all of me that I poured into their lives will produce hope and perserverence when things get tough for them.  My last day was filled with lots of memories and laughs and I will not forget it.