I Love The Way You Hold Me!

I don’t know about you, but I am used to looking for God in the big moments of my day and not a lot of the little moments.  So I asked Him where He was this week, because I don’t really feel like I have had a ton of big moments.  I asked Him where I really saw Him work.  The response was startling.  This is what He said to me.

Daughter,

I am in the sunrise you see every morning.

I am in the sunset that you watch every night from your balcony.

I was in that hug that you gave to your student.

I was in the tears that you were crying.

I was in the encouragement that you got from your coworkers.

I was in the huge smile that came from the student who struggles with math and struggles to behave and respect you when you made him feel like a million bucks letting him teach your class for a few minutes.

I was in the hugs you got from the complete strangers today and even in the way that they made you feel like a part of their church family on your first visit.

I was in the student who invited you to come to church.

I was there in the midst of your frustration.

I was working on your heart in your morning and afternoon commute.

I was there in every one of the conversations that you had this week

I was there giving you a hug in your loneliness (yes, I can feel God reach down and giving me hugs, weird right?).

I was right there in the laughter you shared with your class.

I was right there in the moment when you wanted to stay, but walked away like I asked you to.

I was there in the moment that you chose joy instead of anger.

I am always in your smile.

I was in the moment when you lectured your students on respecting each other and purity because those words come from me.

I am in the love that you show your students.

I am in the love your students show to you.

I am even in the efforts of your most annoying student to get your attention.

I am in all of your successes and all of your failures.  I am here holding you through it all.

Why is it so hard to see God in the little things?  This was a total wake up call.  Look for God in the little things.  Appreciate those little moments and realize that God is working in ways we can only imagine.  Working  through even the things that don’t seem like a big deal to us in the moment.  Try to take time to reflect on all the areas where God is showing up and using you or the people around you.  Take time to embrace His hugs and the way He smiles at and loves you.

“I love the way You hold me, by my side You'll always be
You take each and everyday, make it special in some way
I love the way you hold me, in Your arms I'll always be
You take each and everyday, make it special in some way
I love You more than the words in my brain can express
I can't imagine even loving You less
Lord, I love the way You hold me”

~”Hold Me” by Jamie Grace

Crazy Crazy Dreams

 

I think I have some crazy dreams.  My dreams have changed over the past several years.  In high school, all I could imagine was becoming a teacher.  Okay, so maybe that isn’t too crazy, but that was my dream, my goal.  I wanted to get through school, get married, have a teaching job, have kids and own a house all by the time I turned 25.  I wanted the American dream.  Is that bad? No… I don’t think so.  Now, I am teaching.  I am not married.  I do not have kids, nor do I own a home.  Do I still want to get married? Yes, but I have time to enjoy being single.  Do I want kids? Probably, just not anytime in the foreseeable future.  Maybe 15 or 20 years down the road this will be the life I am living, but maybe not and I am okay with that.

God has taken my heart and shaped for me a new set of dreams.  A set of big huge dreams that scare me to death.  Dreams that would ask me to step out of my comfort zone and live life radically.  My dreams are currently where my heart is.  I struggle to live for today, knowing that God has put these things in my heart.  I want to travel around the world and work with orphans and people that I have never met by going on the world race (theworldrace.org…I admit, I am slightly obsessed with the blog updates).  I am really hoping that that would be a dream that God would have come true for me.  If not, I am okay with whatever other plans he has because I know that His plans are bigger than anything that I could ever come up with on my own.  During college, my friends and I came up with this crazy idea to open an orphanage.  Lately, I have been asking myself why that is such a crazy idea.  Because I don’t think it is.  I think I serve a God big enough that we could actually do that.  I plan on reading the book Kisses from Katie (but I do read her blog too), which is all about a girl who as an 18 year old started a non- profit ministry and is not the mother of 18 or so children.  Yup I think that that is pretty awesome!

Do these dreams scare me?  Heck yes!  Most days I am excited about them.  But sometime they scare me.  I would have to become uncomfortable.  I have to remember that I am not God.  I cannot even begin to comprehend what He can do.  In my small little mind, I have a million questions.  How would I ever be able to afford any of this?  How would I be capable of leaving everything in my comfortable world behind to live a radical life?  Even now, I find myself figuring out how I can begin to save the money and find the resources to do this.  I am a planner.  God is telling me like he has told me hundreds of times before to just simply trust Him, have a little faith.  Boy oh boy is that hard to do!

Recently I have been thinking about how comfortable my life has become.  Truth is, the more that I live in my comfortable world the less and less content I become.  I want to be a world changer and for now that means being a world changer in the place God has placed me and that is right here in Virginia.  I know that I know that I know that this is where I am supposed to be and that this time in my life is preparing me for these even bigger dreams and I need to embrace it.  I need to live my live for right now, but I can’t help but focus on my dreams either.  I know that God will grant me the desires of my heart.  He has put them here for a reason.  He has broken my heart for the children living in poverty.  He has broken my heart for people I haven’t even met.  It is hard to explain but I love and miss people I haven’t even met.  I read a quote the other day that said “If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders.”  This sums up how I feel perfectly.  My heart is already with my future, with the people I have yet to meet and serve.  My prayer is that He would continue to shape these dreams until they become my reality.  If we didn’t have crazy dreams, nothing would ever happen.  What about you?  What are some of your dreams that scare you?  What would happen if you took a leap of faith and trusted God to make your dreams come true?  It is never too late!  He gave dreams to us for a reason!  People may think you are crazy.  I am sure some of you think I am crazy, but I am 100% okay with that.

Love and Grace

Today I find myself thinking back to an earlier blog that I wrote while I was student teaching.  It was one about loving my students and the teens that I come into contact with on a daily basis.  It was based on the song "Love Me for Me" by JJ Heller.  I was reminded of it this week while I was teaching.  I have been praying that God would give me extra little opportunities that I wouldn't miss to get to know my students.  That I would be given little insights into their lives by just listening and observing.  It is honestly hard to do with 75 students and having to teach all day long.  I try and incorporate it a little into my lessons, but it is still harder to get to know my quieter students.  I had a pretty good week with my kids and after having a break from them I have come back to school ready for the next few weeks.  I realized that I am falling in love with them all or at least most of them.  Many of them have an ability to brighten my day even if it is going terrible.
With that being said, God broke my heart once again for my students.  I, like many people, have the ability to put on my blinders and see what I want to see.  I see the kids who are always happy.  I notice the outspoken kids.  I get annoyed with the annoying ones.  I don't always see past the surface because I feel like I don't have the time.  Yesterday, I was reminded of the importance of taking time to listen.  Taking time to notice the student in the corner having a bad day.  My eyes were opened to a generation of hurting kids.  Hurting kids that come in all shapes and sizes.  Kids who have to worry about adult problems.  Kids who are faced with all sorts of heartache.  Kids coming from homes that give no attention to them.  Kids being taught that it is okay to bully probably because they are bullied at home.  Kids who think that it is okay to call someone a name and be rude if that is what it takes to make yourself feel good.  But it isn't okay. 
Every Friday we have class meetings with our kids on bullying.  Yesterday I played the song Hero by Superchick for all of my kids.  The chorus reads:

You could be a hero - heroes do what's right
You could be a hero - you might save a life
You could be a hero- you could join the fight
For what's right, for what's right, for what's right
 At first, I was angry with them because they did not take it seriously.  They giggled all through the song and make jokes about serious comments other kids were making. They still think that bullying is a big joke and that their actions do not affect people, but I know that they are kids.  Many of them who have known nothing else for their entire lives. Yesterday I saw the walls of two of my kids come down.  They let me inside and decided to be vulnerable.  I do not take that for granted.  That is why I teach.  Even if I have a week of terrible classes, I teach because I want kids to know that they are loved and cared for.  I gave my students a challenge yesterday and many of them think that it is impossible to complete.  I challenged them to complete random acts of kindness for people and to hang out with kids who are different from them.  To hang out with kids they wouldn't normally hang out with.  As I was praying this morning, I realized that I cannot expect them to do something, unless I am also willing to take part.  Two of my New Year's Resolutions for this year were to work on loving with all that I am even if it hurts and to give grace radically.  I want that to start in my classroom.  I want to love each and every one of my students even if it means loving the student who annoys me.  I want to show them what it means to love.  I am going to love them for who they are.  I am going ot make a conscious effort to be the best role model I can for them because for many, that is the only place they will see it.  So far I am off to a pretty good start, but you can pray for me as I do, because I know that it is not going to be easy especially on the days when I am ready to just leave my classroom.